Is Codependence Really A Negative Thing?

Why is it that co-dependence carries such a negative connotation? Is a codependent relationship really such a terrible thing? Of course it is very clear that some people carry the whole codependent attitudes too far, which essentially means that the partners in the relationship are co existing in an unhealthy way.

The word codependent came about when discussing alcoholics and drug addicts. Family who care for addicts and alcoholics are said to be in codependent relationships with the addict. It only becomes unhealthy when the carer of the addict does things for the addict that they can do on their own. For example, an alcoholic vomits all over the floor and his carer cleans it up, He or she should be making the addict clean up their own vomit.

However, there are times when co-dependence is not a bad thing. Codependent couples are extremely loyal to each other, they care for each other, defend each other when someone is putting one of them down and they often will do things for each other out of the goodness of their hearts, nothing more, nothing less. So where do you draw the line when it comes to co-dependence?

This is a couple who are not alcoholics or even addicted to anything at all. They are seemingly healthy physically and mentally, yet they engage in codependent behaviors all the time. If one spouse is covering up something bad that the other spouse did, then perhaps it is codependency on an unhealthy scale, but where we see a marriage of two people who absolutely adore each other and want to do things for each other all the time, I have say what in the heck is wrong with that?

A relationship which is all about two people loving each other, even if their behavior is codependent, simply cannot be a bad thing. There is more about this topic in my article: Pro’s and Con’s of Codependence.

So what do you think? Can a codependent relationship be healthy? Hit the comments with your thoughts and please; no spam and be polite and respectful.

Visit Janelle Coulton, Freelance Writer

Photo Credit: http://chaseher.net/healthy-relationships-what-makes-them

Copyright 2013 Janelle Coulton - All Rights Reserved

This article cannot be republished or reprinted without the express permission of the author in writing. A short summary with a link back to the article is allowed.

The Power Of Apathy

The word apathy; without a dictionary it is quite hard to define. Disinterested is one word that could describe apathy. Apathy is basically about you looking after you and the people and things that you care about. In other words you cut your partner out of your list of priorities. If your relationship is in the final stages or your partner has already left and you want them back. Learning how to portray an apathetic attitude could be the answer you are looking for.


Becoming apathetic means that you are releasing your emotional and mental attachment to your partner, you let go of the outcome of any situation. You may not realize it now, but you can control your thoughts. You can control your way of thinking and you can definitely control your actions, and actions speak louder than words. Determination and patience to see this out is what you will learn. It is not easy to train yourself to become apathetic, because we cannot predict which emotions will arise in any situation, however apathy is a very powerful thing you can employ to win your ex back and we are all capable of choosing how we will react to our emotions.


With determination and willpower you can achieve anything you desire. We can achieve our goals. Giving up is not an option. It’s all so easy to give up. When you become apathetic, your lost mate will give up on running away. They will wonder what in the heck is going on. When your ex sees this change, this is what may spur them into coming back. They may not want to close that door yet.


Your ex will be expecting you to chase after them. They will be wondering why you are not trying to reconcile, or change their mind about leaving the relationship. If you are portraying an attitude of disinterest, your ex will be wondering what is up with you and they may chase after you to try and spur an emotional reaction. Therefore it is a good idea to release them from your emotions. Cut off all of those ties, and get on with your life. Do not email them, call them, or drive past their house. They will wonder why they haven’t heard from you. This technique is especially good when you have allowed your needy feelings to take control, and these feelings have driven your partner away.


Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton



Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

Know If Someone Is Lying
Learn Exactly How To Know When
Someone Is Lying. Guaranteed.
www.BustLiars.com

Objectivity After A Break-up

It is so very hard to be objective when we have had our heart broken. Your lover tells you the relationship is over and understandably you fall to pieces. How is it possible to be objective? This is not easy.

It is a fact that as human beings we love ourselves more than anyone or anything else. Looking out for number one is necessary to survive. Whilst in a relationship, you will naturally look out for the other person more than ourselves, you put your lover first. And given that the other partner in the relationship does the same, then you can enjoy a happy and positive existence together.

Once the relationship is over, you will immediately revert to looking after yourself. This behaviour is natural when we feel hurt and angry. We suffer rejection and sadness and many other emotions. This is why you will feel it is almost impossible to remain objective.

Having said that; if you are hoping to win back your lover it is very important to attempt to see things objectively. Showing respect for your partner’s decision, even if you do not agree with him or her is a big start. Your emotions and feelings may be turned upside down and inside out, however it is vital that you remain calm and think about the break up from both sides of the argument. If you find it impossible to be objective, then this will lead to you making many stupid mistakes. If your goal is to win your back your ex, then these mistakes will cost you dearly.

One idea you should try is to seek advice from someone you trust who can be objective. Tell this person you need their honesty and not to worry about hurting your feelings. People on the outside can see the situation a lot more clearly as they are emotionally tied to the situation.

Sit down with a pen and paper and write out all the pros and cons of your relationship. Write down what you feel your mistakes were and the other persons, and try to be as honest with yourself as you can. Every night before your go to bed, look deep into your soul and ask yourself what behaviours led to your partner ending the relationship. Focus on becoming more positive, and changing these behaviour so that you can begin to re-build your self-esteem and become a more positive person.

It is these above actions that will start the ball rolling to winning your lover back. Not to mention that you will also benefit by becoming a healthy, positive and happier person, someone that your ex will want to fall in love with all over again.



IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN TROUBLE? Oprah relationship expert has put his entire collection of tips and secrets and famous advice into one incredibly huge package for one incredibly small price. Check it out today and get over $1400 worth of bonuses. Visit the Romantic Today



Copyright ©2007 Janelle Coulton

Nice Girls Get Dumped, So Be A Little Bit Bad

Just like every other time I’ve written an article or an essay, this time is no different. I’m sitting here, trying to put words on the paper and taking it all too seriously. When I do this I know I am trying too hard and when I try too hard, I inevitably screw things up. You would think that the opposite would be true. Unfortunately as hard as we work at something, the pay off is sometimes not worth all the effort. Now that sounds shockingly negative and it's not meant to; but it's true, sometimes trying to hard can ruin things.

While this concept applies to my passion for writing, it also applies to women, dating and relationships. Nice, caring, nurturing women whose first priority is not themselves, but usually their man. We as women usually want to please everyone and we try to do so, only to fail miserably in the end. Why is it that so many seemingly nice women get dumped all the time? The answer is we are too damned nice. The quote “nice guys finish last" also applies to women.

If I had a dollar for every nice woman gets dumped story I have heard or seen first hand, I’d be rich as well as single, which wouldn’t be so bad. Seemingly theirs' and my only sin was that we as women were too nice, understanding, caring or whatever; you get the picture. It’s hard to believe that women can be kicked to the kerb for being too nice.

The thing is relationships are part of a woman’s identity, which is why we work so hard at them. We can’t help it. It is natural for us to do this. What is not so natural is to work at being just a little bit bad here. Now ladies, I am not advocating nastiness or bitchiness here, even though we would all agree that some men need a bloody good smack. What I am advocating is a lot more love towards ourselves and our own lives and a little game of hard to get. He doesn’t get to have all the goodies all at once. Most of these casualties happen within the first three months. This is where the ambivalence begins to fester inside a man. You can quite clearly see when a woman’s relationship with a man is on the rocks. She will call home to check her messages. She will break plans with family and friends just to see him. She will do most of the chasing. She will drive herself crazy with wonder about what he is doing and why he has not called.

All that a woman can do at this point is to stop. Stop calling, stop thinking about him, stop whining and make a date with someone new. If he is really that interested, he will come running and if you never see him again, good riddance girls, he’s not interested. He might want a little action late on a Friday night and may ask you to come over. Don’t do it. You are not on call for a roll in the hay whenever the mood takes him. You have much higher standards than that. I have seen relationships end like this after years of the couple being together. I, myself encountered a man’s ambivalent bullshit, only to be kicked to the kerb after two and a half years. He said that he was not sure anymore. Truthfully girls, it was my fault. I was too nice and I became the proverbial doormat. The signs were there but I ignored all of them in the name of love, sweet love. I was with a man who, one night was expressing his undying love and commitment to me and then the next day he is yelling “You don’t own me!" down the telephone line. That should have been my wake up call, as he was basically saying “I’m here for a good time, not a long time," or “I am a commitment phobic asshole."

In all fairness though and particularly to the man whom I am referring to, (he will know who he is should he ever read this) he really did love me and still does, however like most commitment phobic people, he could not deal with the intensity of my love for him (moral of that story, stay away from commitment-phobes). I was the nice girl you would take home to meet mummy, I got on well with his parents, I did all of that doormat behaviour, and I put up with the in-laws crap. Bottom line was, he was a commitment phobe and he did not want passionate sex with his mother and judging myself on my doormat behaviour I guess I became that image. In the final six months I began to wise up, fortunately for me, so did he. He decided that his commitment phobia was a terminal illness. So it was sayonara sweetie.

The biggest revelation was that I was too nice, I needed to love myself more, and I must realise that men love women who aren’t so nice to them. So my suggestion to all women is to become more involved with who you are and what you want in life. When we as women assert ourselves out there in the real world, many men see us as bitches, however this also turns a man on and eventually they fall in love with the whole, she isn’t so wrapped up in me, she takes care of herself. They’ll get a hard on just thinking about how interested and focused you are on your own life. Act like an agreeable doormat, and he’ll be gone. Men love the chase, the cat and mouse game that we hate. They invented it, it turns them on. Why deprive them, it would be quite selfish of us not to indulge our man in something he loves so much.

Relationships, dating, commitment and marriage are a pretty serious business and dating with the intention of finding Mr Right can be a mixed bag of emotional bullshit. However, it is the seriousness of it all that leads to women trying too hard. At the beginning of this essay I spoke about trying too hard, and screwing it all up. I think we should all lighten up and approach this dating/relationship stuff with a sense of humour. Most importantly remember people always want what they can’t have, it’s human nature and that goes for both women and men so let the games begin.




Endnote: I wrote this when I was pretty hurt and emotional and my attempt was to make it comical, I would love some feedback. Chat with me on Twitter or Facebook or have your say in the comments box.

Know If Someone Is Lying.
Learn Exactly How To Know When
Someone Is Lying. Guaranteed.
www.BustLiars.com

Visit my website: http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby
or http://www.freewebs.com.jel1.htm/



Copyright 2006 Janelle Coulton