No Contact

Many people write to me and ask me what “no contact” is and how do you do “no contact”? “No Contact” is a break up strategy that I learned a few years ago when I went through a break up and wanted the man in question back. However, “no contact" is more about taking care of you, and doing “no contact” does more for you in terms of getting your life back on track.

Many people whose partners break up with them would like to stay in constant contact, and they would even like to be friends. But I do not feel that this is a good idea. Being in contact all the time leaves a temptation to ask them to come back to the relationship. This puts pressure on your ex, and this is exactly what you do not want to do. You want them to return of their own free will.

Before I go any further with explaining “no contact” I will say that it will not work for couples with children. If you are going through a divorce/separation or break up and you have children, this strategy will not be effective. You can use it but you must keep some kind of contact happening for your children. Your kids obviously have to come first.

If you were living together, then at the beginning of the break up there will be contact as one of you will be required to move out of the home you are sharing. After he or she has formally moved out, then you begin “no contact” For couples who do not live together, “no contact” should begin the same day they end the relationship. However, I realize that most of you reading this article will have had some contact with your ex lovers. It’s not too late to start now, so go to it.

Do not call him or her, do not write, or email and do not text message. Nothing, no contact means zilch. You then focus on the business of getting your life back together. You will probably not hear from your ex for a while as they may expect you to chase after them, especially if they did the dumping here. However if you do hear from them; here is your strategy. Be polite and short with them, tell them you are busy and wish them a nice day. Tell them you would love to catch up soon. No longer than 5 minutes on the phone, and do not tell them anything about what is happening in your life. Talk to them about them, and make small talk at that.

If they call and leave you a message, return the call, but not straight away. Wait a few days, apologise, say you were busy and then ask them what they wanted. Again keep the call short, tell them you are fine, and you will chat to them soon. You need to create wonder and curiosity in their minds about your life. You need to create a situation where your ex wants to know more about what you are doing in your life. You want them to ask you out. Eventually they probably will, but wait for them to ask, do not approach them to go out anywhere.

This strategy is so effective, I recommend it to just about everyone whose relationship has ended and they want their partners back. For people who have children together, you would obviously have to vary it. You would need to be very discreet about your life with your children, because obviously they will tell the other parent all of what is going on with mum or dad. There should be some kind of agreement in place about when the children call your ex and when your ex can call the children, so that the children’s schedule of bedtime, baths, dinner and so forth is not interrupted.
 “No contact” is so very effective for both you and your ex because it drives them wild with curiosity over what you are doing and more importantly why they have not heard from you. It also gives you that time and space to work at becoming the person you were before the break up and that’s the person you want them to see. Worst case scenario is that you and your partner do not reunite, but you will have forged on ahead with your life and this is a positive thing.

If you are contemplating trying this after reading this article, I wish you all the best. It worked for me and I believe it can work for you.




Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

Know If Someone Is Lying
Learn Exactly How To Know When
Someone Is Lying. Guaranteed.
www.BustLiars.com

You will find more information available, articles and relationship advice and tips at Jel's website: http://jelbaby.webs.com


Read more articles written by Janelle Coulton @ Suite101

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Copyright © 2012 Janelle Coulton

Objectivity After A Break-up

It is so very hard to be objective when we have had our heart broken. Your lover tells you the relationship is over and understandably you fall to pieces. How is it possible to be objective? This is not easy.

It is a fact that as human beings we love ourselves more than anyone or anything else. Looking out for number one is necessary to survive. Whilst in a relationship, you will naturally look out for the other person more than ourselves, you put your lover first. And given that the other partner in the relationship does the same, then you can enjoy a happy and positive existence together.

Once the relationship is over, you will immediately revert to looking after yourself. This behaviour is natural when we feel hurt and angry. We suffer rejection and sadness and many other emotions. This is why you will feel it is almost impossible to remain objective.

Having said that; if you are hoping to win back your lover it is very important to attempt to see things objectively. Showing respect for your partner’s decision, even if you do not agree with him or her is a big start. Your emotions and feelings may be turned upside down and inside out, however it is vital that you remain calm and think about the break up from both sides of the argument. If you find it impossible to be objective, then this will lead to you making many stupid mistakes. If your goal is to win your back your ex, then these mistakes will cost you dearly.

One idea you should try is to seek advice from someone you trust who can be objective. Tell this person you need their honesty and not to worry about hurting your feelings. People on the outside can see the situation a lot more clearly as they are emotionally tied to the situation.

Sit down with a pen and paper and write out all the pros and cons of your relationship. Write down what you feel your mistakes were and the other persons, and try to be as honest with yourself as you can. Every night before your go to bed, look deep into your soul and ask yourself what behaviours led to your partner ending the relationship. Focus on becoming more positive, and changing these behaviour so that you can begin to re-build your self-esteem and become a more positive person.

It is these above actions that will start the ball rolling to winning your lover back. Not to mention that you will also benefit by becoming a healthy, positive and happier person, someone that your ex will want to fall in love with all over again.



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Copyright ©2007 Janelle Coulton

Making Your Ex Lover Jealous

This is one break-up mistake that many of us make and there have been a few relationship experts out there who have encouraged people to do this. Get a new lover and flaunt your new love in your ex’s face and he or she will come running back to you. Perhaps this premise sounds realistic, but I don’t think so.

Firstly, you are essentially using the new person to make your ex jealous and if they have half a brain, they will realize this and dump you like a hot potato. Your ex will also see that you are in-fact using this person to make them jealous and their opinion of you will take a serious dive.

Secondly, they may ask you to come back, out of simple insecurity with themselves, and to see if the other person was indeed serious competition. When they realize this is not the case, you will be right back where you started.

Lastly, they may believe that you are not available and could surmise that they should move on, and perhaps find themselves a new lover. If they were having doubts about whether they should have ended the relationship, well they will not be second guessing themselves now.

You want to get back with your ex lover and sometimes those feelings of rejection, hurt, anger and sadness can push us to do some crazy things. Our emotions take over and we feel torn inside out and we will sometimes do desperate things. Attempting to make your ex jealous is not going to bring their love back. It will push their love away. Beside you do not want your ex to be feeling jealous. Jealousy can be a very destructive and dangerous emotion and can lead to feelings of resentment, which will not help you in your quest to win back your lover.

If your ex sees that you are trying to make them jealous, they may also feel that you are trying to manipulate them or control them and this will definitely not help the situation. No-one wants to be controlled, humans want a freedom of choice and you want your ex to feel free to choose to be with you once again.


Get a hold of a decent relationship rescue book such as the one below and read my blog post about No Contact; this is a proven technique that has worked for many people who are trying to re-kindle their relationship or marriage.


Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove



Having Read This Book; I highly recommend it:

Know If Someone Is Lying.
Learn Exactly How To Know When
Someone Is Lying. Guaranteed.
www.BustLiars.com

Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton