Sunday, January 27, 2008

No Contact

Many people write to me and ask me what “no contact” is and how do you do “no contact”? “No Contact” is a break up strategy that I learned a few years ago when I went through a break up and wanted the man in question back. However, “no contact" is more about taking care of you, and doing “no contact” does more for you in terms of getting your life back on track.

Many people whose partners break up with them would like to stay in constant contact, and they would even like to be friends. But I do not feel that this is a good idea. Being in contact all the time leaves a temptation to ask them to come back to the relationship. This puts pressure on your ex, and this is exactly what you do not want to do. You want them to return of their own free will.

Before I go any further with explaining “no contact” I will say that it will not work for couples with children. If you are going through a divorce/separation or break up and you have children, this strategy will not be effective. You can use it but you must keep some kind of contact happening for your children. Your kids obviously have to come first.

If you were living together, then at the beginning of the break up there will be contact as one of you will be required to move out of the home you are sharing. After he or she has formally moved out, then you begin “no contact” For couples who do not live together, “no contact” should begin the same day they end the relationship. However, I realize that most of you reading this article will have had some contact with your ex lovers. It’s not too late to start now, so go to it.

Do not call him or her, do not write, or email and do not text message. Nothing, no contact means zilch. You then focus on the business of getting your life back together. You will probably not hear from your ex for a while as they may expect you to chase after them, especially if they did the dumping here. However if you do hear from them; here is your strategy. Be polite and short with them, tell them you are busy and wish them a nice day. Tell them you would love to catch up soon. No longer than 5 minutes on the phone, and do not tell them anything about what is happening in your life. Talk to them about them, and make small talk at that.

If they call and leave you a message, return the call, but not straight away. Wait a few days, apologise, say you were busy and then ask them what they wanted. Again keep the call short, tell them you are fine, and you will chat to them soon. You need to create wonder and curiosity in their minds about your life. You need to create a situation where your ex wants to know more about what you are doing in your life. You want them to ask you out. Eventually they probably will, but wait for them to ask, do not approach them to go out anywhere.

This strategy is so effective, I recommend it to just about everyone whose relationship has ended and they want their partners back. For people who have children together, you would obviously have to vary it. You would need to be very discreet about your life with your children, because obviously they will tell the other parent all of what is going on with mum or dad. There should be some kind of agreement in place about when the children call your ex and when your ex can call the children, so that the children’s schedule of bedtime, baths, dinner and so forth is not interrupted.
 “No contact” is so very effective for both you and your ex because it drives them wild with curiosity over what you are doing and more importantly why they have not heard from you. It also gives you that time and space to work at becoming the person you were before the break up and that’s the person you want them to see. Worst case scenario is that you and your partner do not reunite, but you will have forged on ahead with your life and this is a positive thing.

If you are contemplating trying this after reading this article, I wish you all the best. It worked for me and I believe it can work for you.

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

You will find more information available, articles and relationship advice and tips at Jel's website:

Read more articles written by Janelle Coulton @ Suite101

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Copyright © 2012 Janelle Coulton

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Stop Your Break Up And Relationship E-books

This is a subject that I have discussed on my website a few times before and it’s one that should be re-visited. With the wide range of relationship E-books available on the online market, it is important to carefully choose the one’s to purchase.

These E-books will promise the prospective customer the earth when it comes to solving their relationship problems. I am here to tell you; buyer beware! Not all of these books can deliver what they say they can.

One point that I raised on the Jel’s Love Lounge homepage recently was about love, real love. When thinking along the lines of wanting that person back into your life, ask yourself: Does this person really love me? Because if they don’t your chances of winning them back into a loving, caring relationship that goes both ways is slim to none, to say the least. And would you want someone who didn’t love you? I don’t think so.

When I went through the same issues three years ago with my long distance lover, I had the chance to get him back. However it came down to two things. Firstly, the fact that I realized just in time that he did not really love me and that I was fooling myself, and secondly there was another man on the horizon who I had become friends with. This is the man that I am living with now, and he loves me like no other man ever has. But I was so very close to making a foolish mistake in taking my ex back. And given the fact, that I now know he never really loved me, I cannot understand why he would even want me back.

I had my doubts from the moment I began employing the strategies in these books, because we were long distance and a fair distance from each other I might add. But one of the books I bought re-assured me that I would be able to succeed even if he was halfway around the world. This particular book was; Cucan Pemo’s “Bring Back the Love of Your Life.” In my case, Pemo’s book worked, however I also had access to several other books and support from a relationship forum which specialized in helping people in a relationship with someone who was commitment phobic, which my ex was. The frustrating part here is I cannot specify which book or website helped me the most, because I used a combination of these and put my own plan into action. However, I would have to say that Cucan Pemo's and Annalyn Cara's E-books' were my top two. I have since read many more books and I have listed them below in order of my preference.

It is a good idea to do some quality surfing of the net and track down as many relationship sites and e-books as you can find. I would then pick out your top five and research them. I know it all sounds too hard, as going through a break up or relationship troubles is tough enough and thinking clearly is the last thing you may be doing at the moment. But, if you want to fix your relationship or if you want your lover back it is in your best interests to get the best information. Below are a few pointers to follow when looking for a relationship advice e-book.

· Grab anything they offer for free and read it thoroughly.

· Email the author and ask questions about their book. Ask a lot of questions.

· Ask the author/s for some relationship advice about your particular situation.

· Sign up for their newsletter. These are always free.

The bottom line is find the book or books that best suit your situation, everyone is different. By this I mean if your husband/wife is leaving you and you have children, doing no contact like some of these books suggest is not going to assist you, as you need to be in friendly contact with your ex for the sake of the children.

The other issue that I should mention is these books will not work for you unless your ex lover truly loves you. The advice in these books may get you back into a relationship with your ex lover, however it will not last very long. Love has to be present for it to last. If you are not sure if your ex ever loved you or loves you now, pay attention to how they treat you and try and remember how you were treated in the past. When times were good, were those times really great? What about the bad times? The bad times are the tell tales signs in any relationship. How a person treats another in bad times will clearly show you whether your ex lover really, truly, loves you. I can’t stress this point enough, when a person really love’s you they will be right beside you in the bad times to help you both get through them. And the sweetest thing about the bad times is; they bring you both closer.

In the end it all boils down to everyone’s individual situation and love sweet love. If I had not woken up and smelt the coffee three years ago. I truly believe my life would not be where it is today. And for that I am will be forever grateful. It can be so easy to fool ourselves into believing that we are loved by our ex mates but sometimes; sadly it is not the case.

In the final wash up it is your choice whether you decide to purchase one of these stop break up manuals to save your relationship or marriage. There are many cases and testimonials that show that the formulas in these books work, however everyone’s situation is different and what I am saying is this; take a good look at your situation and your relationship and do a little research, before you choose to buy one of these books. I have included a list of my top nine at the end of this article.

The following is a list of my favourite relationship repair E-books:



Get Her Back

12 Simple Rules



Get Ex Back



Is Your Partner A Liar?

Copyright ©2007, Janelle Coulton

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Objectivity After A Break-up

It is so very hard to be objective when we have had our heart broken. Your lover tells you the relationship is over and understandably you fall to pieces. How is it possible to be objective? This is not easy.

It is a fact that as human beings we love ourselves more than anyone or anything else. Looking out for number one is necessary to survive. Whilst in a relationship, you will naturally look out for the other person more than ourselves, you put your lover first. And given that the other partner in the relationship does the same, then you can enjoy a happy and positive existence together.

Once the relationship is over, you will immediately revert to looking after yourself. This behaviour is natural when we feel hurt and angry. We suffer rejection and sadness and many other emotions. This is why you will feel it is almost impossible to remain objective.

Having said that; if you are hoping to win back your lover it is very important to attempt to see things objectively. Showing respect for your partner’s decision, even if you do not agree with him or her is a big start. Your emotions and feelings may be turned upside down and inside out, however it is vital that you remain calm and think about the break up from both sides of the argument. If you find it impossible to be objective, then this will lead to you making many stupid mistakes. If your goal is to win your back your ex, then these mistakes will cost you dearly.

One idea you should try is to seek advice from someone you trust who can be objective. Tell this person you need their honesty and not to worry about hurting your feelings. People on the outside can see the situation a lot more clearly as they are emotionally tied to the situation.

Sit down with a pen and paper and write out all the pros and cons of your relationship. Write down what you feel your mistakes were and the other persons, and try to be as honest with yourself as you can. Every night before your go to bed, look deep into your soul and ask yourself what behaviours led to your partner ending the relationship. Focus on becoming more positive, and changing these behaviour so that you can begin to re-build your self-esteem and become a more positive person.

It is these above actions that will start the ball rolling to winning your lover back. Not to mention that you will also benefit by becoming a healthy, positive and happier person, someone that your ex will want to fall in love with all over again.

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Copyright ©2007 Janelle Coulton

Friday, January 18, 2008

Making Your Ex Lover Jealous

This is one break-up mistake that many of us make and there have been a few relationship experts out there who have encouraged people to do this. Get a new lover and flaunt your new love in your ex’s face and he or she will come running back to you. Perhaps this premise sounds realistic, but I don’t think so.

Firstly, you are essentially using the new person to make your ex jealous and if they have half a brain, they will realize this and dump you like a hot potato. Your ex will also see that you are in-fact using this person to make them jealous and their opinion of you will take a serious dive.

Secondly, they may ask you to come back, out of simple insecurity with themselves, and to see if the other person was indeed serious competition. When they realize this is not the case, you will be right back where you started.

Lastly, they may believe that you are not available and could surmise that they should move on, and perhaps find themselves a new lover. If they were having doubts about whether they should have ended the relationship, well they will not be second guessing themselves now.

You want to get back with your ex lover and sometimes those feelings of rejection, hurt, anger and sadness can push us to do some crazy things. Our emotions take over and we feel torn inside out and we will sometimes do desperate things. Attempting to make your ex jealous is not going to bring their love back. It will push their love away. Beside you do not want your ex to be feeling jealous. Jealousy can be a very destructive and dangerous emotion and can lead to feelings of resentment, which will not help you in your quest to win back your lover.

If your ex sees that you are trying to make them jealous, they may also feel that you are trying to manipulate them or control them and this will definitely not help the situation. No-one wants to be controlled, humans want a freedom of choice and you want your ex to feel free to choose to be with you once again.

Get a hold of a decent relationship rescue book such as the one below and read my blog post about No Contact; this is a proven technique that has worked for many people who are trying to re-kindle their relationship or marriage.

Fix Your Broken Heart And Discover The Powerful Hidden Secrets To Stop Thinking About Your Ex Once And For Good! Get Your Free ‘Biggest Break up Mistakes’ Mini-Course. Go to: WinBackLove

Having Read This Book; I highly recommend it:

Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton