Saturday, October 16, 2010

Pleading with your Ex to Return

This is probably one of the most common mistakes that we tend to make during a break-up is to plead with our lover not to leave us.

To most of us, this action seems so natural and the right thing to do. We also believe that this will attract our lover to return to us. Because we are not thinking clearly, given that we have a broken heart, we may assume that our lover will be flattered by our attention and want to re-kindle the relationship. Unfortunately this is not the case. All it really does is strip us of our dignity.

Pleading and nagging your former lover to return will in-fact drive them further away from you. So you are making an already bad situation much, much worse. Telling them that you will change will not work either, as they will not believe it. Actions speak louder than words. Your ex lover may not want you to change. Their reasons for breaking up with you could be more about them, than it is about you. In most break ups, this is generally the case. This person is not deliberately trying to hurt you. In most break ups, the person leaving is looking for a happier, more positive and peaceful existence and they want their lives to improve. So this is more about them than it is about you. As hard as it is, a break up is usually not personal, even though it feels as though it is. However; sometimes it is about you, and this is a reality we just have to wear during a break-up. The real truth is that break-ups are never one sided. It takes two people to make up and two people to break up.

Arguing with your ex-partner and telling them that they are wrong to save the relationship or using guilt to get them to stay are not going to help you. You would not want someone to stay with your out of guilt. You deserve someone who truly loves you and wants to be with you.

If you find that you are having trouble communicating with your ex, without raising the issue of them returning to the relationship, then you simply must end contact with them. This will certainly not aid you in the process of winning back your lover if that is what you wish to achieve here. You need to back off, respect their decision and give them and yourself some space.

Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton

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1 comment:

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