Your relationship is over. And you’re left with a broken heart. You are wondering how you can get your lover back. Before you jump in boots and all and chase after them, pleading for them to return it might be in your best interests to take a time out and assess the situation. Think carefully before making any decisions. Given, that this person has left you, do you really want them back? You need to analyse what went wrong in the relationship. Did your lover give you a reason for leaving? There are many people who will do this; leave a relationship and not tell you the reason. It has happened to me, and based on that, I decided I never wanted anything to with them again.
At first I did want him back and I made it my business to set this process in motion. The very first thing that I did was to take some time out and I did not contact him during this time. Five long weeks of no-contact took place and then I heard from him, he was sorry, he was confused, he didn’t know what he wanted; the excuses came thick and fast. He kept up regular phone and email contact for about two months and then one day I wrote him an email, an honest account of how I saw our relationship, it proved to be the kiss of death. Apart from one nasty email about a profile of mine that he’d found on a dating site, that was it and my cue to forget him and move on. I was essentially fooling myself. He was not coming back, and if he had the relationship would have never amounted to what I needed from him in a relationship.
I am now with someone who is with me for the right reasons. He wants an honest and open relationship and he wants to be a loving person to me and our relationship in every way. Yes; we have our share of problems (every relationship does), but things work between us as we share the same values and we do not compromise our beliefs. My previous lover expected me to compromise my values. He expected me to ignore many aspects of my life and be there for him and I was not prepared to do it. He realised in the end that he could not control me. And it wasn’t until the end that I realised the whole relationship had been a game to him. He had been controlled by women all of his life, starting with his mother and I think he was trying to prove that he could have the upper hand with me. It didn’t work, his stupid emotional games sent me running in the opposite direction.
So before you move heaven and earth to re-kindle your love, think long and hard about whether you really want to be with that person. Think about how you were treated in the relationship, particularly the bad times. If your partner treated you with respect and honoured your feelings at all times, then I would say you have a winner. Sadly though, when things turn sour in a relationship, people forget about respect and honouring the other person. It becomes all about them.
Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton
Get Back With Your Ex. His New Lover Doesn't
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